Wednesday, 28 February 2007

all hail the mighty dario argento

apart from david lynch and john waters, dario argento may be the only film director whose films i can guarantee i will love. even robert altman made several unwatchable films, woody allen is starting to make films cinemas won't pick up, and wes craven even made some shit with meryl streep

i was reminded of this the other night as i curled up on the couch with a bowl of potato and leek soup (that i has just whipped up in the le creuset, it was great, the recipe is only an ask away) and watched profondo rosso as i filled in time before a pub quiz

although his masterpieces may be profondo rosso and susperia, everything is worth a look. who could resist trauma? a killer on the loose seeking revenge for her baby being decapitated by a falling chandelier AS she gave birth to it. genius. phenomena sees jennifer connely hunting a killer with a fly AND a chimp as her sidekicks, complete with an amazing cabin murder in the swiss alps to open the film. and the rat killing machine operated by deranged midgets in phantom of the opera

no one, but no one, has ever captured a better death scene, well slaughter, than argento. surely an axe to the head is enough to kill someone? but why not take it further by smashing them through a few windows, then hanging them from an electric chord, THEN pushing them through a three story window?

the acting may be at some times dire, the stories more often than not as predictable than an episode of murder she wrote, and unfortunately are only widely available in horrifically dubbed english versions. but all this does not distract from the world class gore and intricately crafted tales of terror.

short of INLAND EMPIRE, this years most anticipated film for me is la terza madre (the mother of tears). the final chaptyer in dario's mother's trilogy (started with susperia and inferno) sees the world's most powerful witches converge on rome to pay homage to a series of suicides that have recently taken place. AND it stars asia argento. guaranteed to the incredible, 2 argentos, horror, witches, gore and rome, what more can we ask for? a UK cinema release. here's hoping. please please please

back to the pub quiz that i mentioned earlier. it was shit, and we came third. the rosemary branch is a great pub, but their quizes not so. SO, if you were looking for something to do on a tuesday, now you know not to go to the rosemary branch, why not join me for an argento film and bowl of soup. next week i will have inferno after it is FINALLY re-released

music to accompany this: of course it has to be anything by goblin for an argento soundtrack, all of it amazing, better than the morricone stuff (for dario that is)

Thursday, 22 February 2007

get some dress sense you gimps

you've got enough money.

heard of costume national?

Wednesday, 21 February 2007

Monday, 19 February 2007

loving the career suicide britney

you look like jt leroy you filthy scag

Sunday, 18 February 2007

sharon stone, you fucking genius

there are so few things more alluring and exotic than sharon stone. sequoia and the avignon fragrances by commes des garcon and soft pink truth remixes of bjork songs are some of the very few things.

basic instinct 2 is a true masterclass of everything she is good at. the film is drenched in genius, right down to the amazing script with lines from sharon's paralised passenger like "i can't move" to which sharon anwers, "you dont need to, you're in a car"

admittedly if sharon isn't in a thriller, she is shit beyond belief, but if there was going to be someone on this earth that made me kill several people and wind up in a mental institution, purely for kicks, i would want her to be the person that put me there

hopefully soon basic instinct 2 will be reassessed for the genius that it is. it has the best car crash in cinema history (and that is just the opening), an ice pick, a lighter in the shape of big ben and another in the shape of the gherkin, and a nude fight in a spa

so sharon, keep up the good work, as you did in berlin last week with your crazy 'racsim'. we are already queuing for the next installment. Keep looking good (you make demi moore look like kathy bates, such great work) and dressing like you killed most of what you are wearing and just draped it over your shoulder

music for today: rosanna by toto

another truly underused film starlet. thanks again for the best rom-com in the 80s, or whatever they became in that golden era of cinema

Thursday, 15 February 2007

a welcome return to nu pugodi

everyones favourite russian haunt in london has just got a whole lot better. well maybe not, but it has some fine additions.

found a few years ago by our esteemed friend doug on a drunken ramble home, it was populated by russian business men and their outrageously dressed girlfriends in sunglasses, awash in a sea of ultra-violet light and pumping easterneuropean techno. nu pogodi was one of the first champions of the amazing crazy frog song, and our first hearing in london of the anthem, from paris to berlin.

it's name taken from a russian cartoon, similar to tom and jerry, only this time a chain smoking wolf hunting a rabbit, pictured above. an amazing cartoon, but enough
about that now, i will kindly open my door to curious visitors bearing champagne and caviar (beluga of course) for a viewing of mydvd of the cartoons.

the bar only got better with the finest eastern block changing rooms makeover seen on this earth. the ceiling covered in fairy lights and mesh, illuminated moody cityscapes and a glowing fluorescent pirate ship only a few of the additions. this was the place to be seen, fine vodkas (seriously cheap and actually fine) crazy beers in huge bottles with triple figure strengths and pink plates of pistachios, and still amazing music.

then it went seriously shit, new owners apparently. it was renamed no parking or A1 or something, all the original decorations stripped, and the exotic beverages gone. becks was apparently the best beer, and also the only one apart from fosters.

however a quick drink on valentines day prior to a failed attempt to eat in the car wash tapas across the road showed that nu pogodi still has hope left in it. still not any exciting drinks (although they now stock balkita) BUT they now have a poster of stalin on the door behind the dj booth and rumour has it the secret room downstairs is now opened on weekends

so cheers to nu pugodi and more improvements in the furture, and more drunken nights when i have no idea what happened for my last few hours in the bar and throwing up in toilets with holes punched into the tiled walls

more details here

and maybe the most exciting addition to NP bar its official video game, almost as good as mike tyson's punch out or yi er kung fu

music for today: to continue the theme of re-discovery or discovery even, today i foundamy winehouse. great looking lady, and as rumour has it, so is her music. from now on i will listen to my friends

rehab? WTF?

so it was revealed yesterday robbie williams consumes somehting like 40 double espressos, 20 red bulls and 60 cigarettes a DAY, even before he gets onto the glamourous pills that only hollywood can get you.

he was even quoted as saying that anyone would need all the sleeping pills he has if they drank as much coffee as he did. rehab? nuh, he deserves a medal, for being able to walk let alone sing and dance with all that stuff in his body.

maybe next time try what they gave judy garland on the set of the wizard of oz, it won't give you such bad breath.

but maybe he has PK

listen to this:
patrick wolf's the magic position

Wednesday, 14 February 2007

the most thrilling thing you will ever see

this is so good hollywood should just give up now

the best things are ginger

time for a change, a good opinion. no post yesterday, that being foul mood tuesday, and i resisted a third negative post in a row.

so many good ginger things, ginger beer, ginger megs, julianne moore, bjork in the i miss you video, stem ginger, root ginger, ground ginger, pickled ginger, preserved ginger, chocolate ginger, ginger ale pick me up spray, canada dry and pringles (the only food that isn't poisonous, ginger snaps, those foxes ginger cream biscuits, maybe the only bad ginger i can think of is ginger coloured clothing.

so without further ado, i give you the best ginger cake recipe ever, and it's a freakin sinch to make (one i prepared earlier is pictured above, thanks again mr nigel slater)

Double ginger cake

250g self-raising flour
2 level tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 level tsp bicarbonate of soda
a pinch of salt
200g golden syrup
2 tbsp syrup from the ginger jar
125g butter
3 lumps of stem ginger in syrup (about 55g)
2 heaped tbsp sultanas
125g dark muscavado sugar
2 large eggs
240ml milk

You will need a square cake tin measuring approximately 20-22cm, lined on the bottom with baking or greaseproof paper.

Set the oven at 180°C/gas mark 3. Sieve the flour with the ginger, cinnamon, bicarbonate of soda and the salt. Put the golden and ginger syrups and the butter into a small saucepan, and warm over a low heat. Dice the ginger finely then add it to the pan with the sultanas and sugar. Let the mixture bubble gently for a minute, giving it the occasional stir to stop the fruit sticking to the bottom.

Break the eggs into a bowl, pour in the milk and beat gently to break up the egg and mix it into the milk. Remove the butter and sugar mixture from the heat and pour into the flour, stirring smoothly and firmly with a large metal spoon. Mix in the milk and eggs. The mixture should be sloppy, with no trace of flour.

Scoop the mixture into the non-stick or lined cake tin and bake for 35-40 minutes, or until a skewer, inserted into the centre of the cake, comes out clean. Unless you are serving it warm, leave the cake in its tin to cool, then tip out on to a sheet of greaseproof paper. Wrap it up again in foil and leave to mature for a day or two before eating.

as a new addition to the blog i will now post some music of the day.
todays selection is:van morrison's astral weeks

Monday, 12 February 2007

don't make a noise when you stir your tea

it sounds awful, it's bad manners and it really puts people off

Sunday, 11 February 2007

avenue Q eat my poo

meet the feebles this is not.
it looks amazing, the set is great, the acting is fine, the puppetry is better than you'd expect. the songs and what they have to go on about is so tame and SO BORING that you would have rather spent the money on a nice spoon to gouge your eyes out with. don't ever see this production EVER.
although it was worth seeing to hear the woman behind me, say to her partner afterwards, "wait til we get home, i've learnt some dirty things tonight"
like what? how to bore him sensless and then stick your finger up his arse?
hooray. what fun. can i have my money back