Friday, 18 May 2007

celeb. the verdict

fuck i hate the word celeb, it sounds rancid. pretty much as foul as the people it is used to sum up now, like the most dull waste of fame and space on this earth, mischa barton. boring as shit. vanish somewhere and get a real job

as an antidote, her is a real celebirity looking awesome

don't be dull

why use drab pastels and earth tones when you can have fluorescents ?

use it in your fashion, home decoration, artwork, car details and accessories

but in moderation of course

and as if this wasn't the most desirable thing to have at school

what a ledg !

carlos d from interpol. now with added greyhound (second best dog in the world)

not only is he the only person whose haircut i have copied, but in his latest venture as a film and televisoin composer, he has revealed that his favourite composers are : Henryk Gorecki, Arvo Pärt, and Dmitri Shostakovich

oh my god. mine too

also carlos, i had a moustache first, but it was only for 3 days in switzerland

more genius seen here:

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

...and while we aknowledge the underrated


hello ?


why would you listen to bonnie prince billy, cat power (now especially), bjork's last album (god), that guy from pavement or the pixies when you can have kim wilde ?

the greatest character ever created for television

audrey horne. sherilyn fenn's finest hour.

now that you are old, it isn't two moon junction, it's not actually that great or even sexy, especially now that it's not handed around school on a worn out tape someones older brother recorded when it was on late and rated AO. that show where she was in rehab was ok, but could anyone watch it more than once? unfortunately now she has been reduced to the zedest of the zedest zed grade fodder. there have been a few stand out cameos, her picking her brains out after the car crash in wild at heart was amazing, and as curley's wife in of mice and men, made the whole tedious thing worthwhile actually. her other starring role, boxing helena, flopped just to the bad side of bad, god that film could have been incredible if it was thought out a bit more and julian sands wasn't in it. damn him ruining otherwise reasonable films, it was obvious dario argento had lost steam and THEN he hired him. god

anyway back to twin peaks and some reasons for the title she has just earned

01 she can tongue tie a cherry
02 she has the best lines
03 also the best costumes
04 oh and the best voice
05 her character is consistently good through out the whole series unlike any of the others, notable awards to cooper of course,maddy, mrs palmer, norma, catherine and pete but even they had their slip ups
06 similarly to a trait my friend chi admires in people, she was a person
"with power who'll abuse their privileges without guilt"
07 she had the best shoes
08 she went undercover in a brothel
09 she was incredibly compassionate
10 she was very smart
11 she had the best hair
12 she has a great mole beside her eyebrow
13 that scene was great where she puts a pencil into the side of a polystyrene cup
14 she spies on her father
15 she knew almost as much as the cops did, finding out herself
16 she looked so hot in that cat mask hiding from her father in one eyed jacks
17 she danced in the RR diner
18 she had cooper round her little finger
19 she changed her sensible shoes for heels at school. amazing
20 the way she looked when she smoked

what a fine actress. shame not many people have seen that in her. but apparently she is directing now

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

hey listen up ...

diamanda fuckin rocks. but don't tell her she is rock, or gothic or doomy. you FUCKIN IDIOTS !

last nights performance at the barbican was better than any new music this year

Monday, 7 May 2007

the most terrifying moments of my life ... in film

recently after a huge twin peaks renaissance (now all available on dvd, finally thank god) i was reminded of the most terrifying character the cinema has ever dreamed up. bob.
when twin peaks was first aired in australia i would stay up late watching it with mum, she would go to bed half way through leaving me all alone at the end of the house to watch some of the most cruel and horrific television ever made. and i loved every minute of it. i think the only thing that allowed me to sleep afterwards was the singapore girl appearing in the ads at the end of each episode. i think it was around the era when she was travelling around london in a black cab.
twin peaks started my life long david lynch obsession. above anyone he is probably my all time hero of the arts, even above bjork. but more of that in another blog.

so, back to bob and his hideous image. one so cruel and out of any human control and so subtly used as a true vision of terror. even this weekend i hated to look in the mirror, in fear that i would see bob's face looking back. bob got me thinking about some other monsters that have given me the heebee geebees in the past, so in no particular order here are five of them

01 the wheelers from return to oz

even mum was shit scared when she took my brother and i to see return to oz. she thought it was the worst, most horrific thing she had ever seen. i think it was all in the wheelers laugh, i remember their wheels rolling and horrific cackles coming from groups of them. and their arms were so long. yuck

02 jaws 3

unfortunately i saw it on vid, and missed the amazing 3D cinema experience. do you think it will ever be re-released? i would sit on the couch with my eyes covered asking my bros to tell me when the coast was clear (ha) and the action was out of the water. he always lied. from then on every time i was in our pool i wasconvinced a james bond style trap door would open and jaws would be let into our pool. crazy. i bet it looks terrible now

03 freddy in the water bed from nightmare on elm street 4 i think

when this was on tv, we turned it around and watched it on the balcony of our house in sleeping bags. it made it like 10 times more horrific. wow what a series of films. i have never ever sat or slept on a water bed, and probably now never will

04 the skeksis from the dark crystal

hideous. evil. this film is full of so much beauty that the evil feels 100 times worse than it probably is. the skeksis wore really great robes, and had good cutlery too. it's hard to imagine one of them alive, so the terror, probably for me, comes in what they must feel like. HIDEOUS. and the way they crumble when they die

05 mad max

possibly the most bleak real vision of the near future. lots of things didn't help with this one. i was far too young the first time i saw it, and also was familiar with lots of the places it was filmed. there is not a glimmer of hope anywhere in this film, truly harrowing. a absolute brilliant vision. all of the mad max films are great even when it gets all return-of-the-jedi-tina-turner-saxaphoney (possibly the best film tie in song ever). this poster is amazing too, it makes it look more like that unreal stallone film cobra than what it actually is

few moments in cinema now can conjure this true terror i felt with the above films when i first saw them. i am not sure if i have been desensitised or if they are just crap now. each time a new horror appears i hope for that feeling of the original hills have eyes, even the last scene of blair witch ...and especially another bob.

come on scare me !

an example of drugs doing good things

Wednesday, 2 May 2007

more bad looks

aliens ? WTF ? everyone is obsessed with the idea that there is life out there and that one day we may have a war with them. but god help us when stoners get a hold on such icons.

just look at that they have done !

my friend bek is right in summing up the worst possible image in the world is not just only an alien (and i mean aliens in the communion kind of way, not E.T. who totally transcends the genre) but an alien smoking a joint. this picture takes this further with the worst possible facial piercing, an eyebrow ring.
i suppose in the same way that tom hanks and meg ryan working in romantic comedies together, saves other films from being tainted with their foulness or hideous romantic comedy-ness, combining all these 3 images in one poster saves others from the same treatment.

other things stoners have ruined:
cakes, yoda (i suppose he is an alien anyway), good bleach and good clothes (together making tie-dye), the yellow smiley face and their existence creating that 'an so i got high' song ! UGH

all that aside, i really like this cake if someone wants to make it for me: